Ain't gonna hold back

I am unhappy today because I am trying to be mature about my financial situation and realise that I cannot do everything. I am the type of person that bank managers love, because they know I will always owe them money so I ain't ever going to leave them.

I am quite a passionate Norn' Iron fan, and seek to attend all home games, but my bank account this month is similar to my digestive system following an attack of dysentry: completely empty. So the figures are suggesting I can't go and get tickets for next Wednesdays game against Bulgaria. But that doesn't necessarily mean I won't go and do it. I love to watch my country play, and hate missing games, so I'd rather push myself further into debt, skip meals, and run out of loo roll, just in order to indulge one of my passions.

When I think about this, and how I get excited in the build up of the game, how I sing and scream my lungs out at the games, how I wear my shirt, how I hold nothing back from going completely buck mental. I can't really describe it, t's probably a bit of mob mentality, a sense of belonging, a misplaced sense of national loyalty etc etc. However I can't help but realise that I am nowhere near as openly passionate about my faith as I am about the Green & White Army. Why? Why can't I scream and shout that knowing God has changed my life? I am worth nothing on my own, but now I am priceless in Him? I fail to show my love for God on the outside, despite my passion for Him on my inside.

I've been listening a lot to the Tim Hughes album, 'Holding Nothing Back' lately, and especially the title track. I'm tired of holding back my passion, for whatever reasons that I throw up in front of myself. God gave everything for me, so why shouldn't I give my everything for God?