I've been a Christian now for nearly 11 years. I made the decision to follow Christ because I knew in my heart that God was real, and I couldn't ignore that fact any longer. My life had been a mix of good living and bad living, but being two faced was something I didn't want to be anymore, so it was time to choose one lifestyle or the other.
Don't for a moment think though that this meant I lived a life that was in any way Christian all the time. I made many mistakes. I messed up friendships. I mistreated girls. I got drunk a couple of times. My language at times was shameful. I disobeyed my parents. I abandoned friends. Worst of all, I led others into sin, and even though I know everyone is responsible ultimately for their own choices, I can't help but feel that I may have played a part in leading young Christians away from God. My worst sin. For the most part I tried to walk the walk, but failed often. I was heading away from God but in His neverending grace and bottomless mercy, He didn't abandon me. He remained with me throughout everything, even though I took Him with me to places that must have broken His heart. I now look back and can see that God never left me; I just chose to think that He had.
As I look around at people, I see some Christians growing with God (at least judging by appearances), and I know others who are struggling. Those who are choosing to go down paths that are not Holy Spirit directed. Those who have failed and feel a burden of guilt which is stopping them from connecting with God. Those who are putting up appearances and obstacles in order to keep their lifestyles secret. So my question is this:
Does everyone have to go through a period of rebellion in order to grow into a stronger Christian?
Why do so many of our young people become Christians, grow and then turn away from God, and why do only some of them come back? Should we allow young people to go through this and risk losing them, or do we try to fight for them?
I was openly rebellious for a year, without concern for God or His ways. God's Word was empty to me; a night's drinking held more attraction than spending time with God's people; relationships were for physical gratification; anger and guilt caused me to turn my back on Him.
But I've come to realise that this was not my only "time" of rebellion. Rebellion happens all the time. I choose not to do the right thing, but instead do my own thing, and possibly even justify it as the right thing in a hope of brushing aside any possible twangs of guilt that may come my way. Is this just part of Christian growing up? That as time goes on I hope and pray that I'll be less rebellious? I don't buy the idea that when I'm a Christian "grown up" I'll be less rebellious. I look to those in the generation above, and I can see broken marriages; unfulfilled lives; and people searching for satisfaction in the here and now. Rebelling against God's intentions is obviously not age-related.
My concern is for young adults though that have become Christians and now are struggling or even turned away all together. They have known the truth of Christ; tasted it and experienced it, but yet they allow themselves to go on journeys that take them away from that truth. Proverbs 19:20 says we should listen to advice and counsel in order that we can become wise. But who does that?! No-one really learns from the mistakes of their elders; they learn once they make the mistakes themselves and time allows them reflection. So my personal experience will not speak to them. My heart breaks for them as I see them slip away, knowing that they may or may not come back to God. My love for them doesn't seem enough to encourage or strengthen them. Do I let them go for it, mess up, and pray that God will not let them wander too far?
I just can't help but feel that this is not the right thing to do. So what do I do? The question is playing over and over in my head. I love these people too much to let them walk away from the God who loves them; who forgives them; who transforms them; who cares for them; who wants to share in every special moment of their lives and not be restricted to an early chapter of their life story, never to feature again. I want them to become stronger Christians without the rebellion. So they don't wake up one day with guilt on their shoulders. So they can hold their husband or wife and know that this is the first person they have given themselves too. So they don't have to look back at photos of nights they can't remember. So they don't have a long list of friends, many of which they no longer speak to because they grew distant. So they have real, genuine, satisfying life; a God-centred life.
Maybe you're reading this, and you think I'm talking to you. Don't worry, no-one else knows your reading this so you can respond whatever way you want. I hope this is you, because I've written it for you! I hope you can read this and realise that I am not judging you nor am I criticising you. You can forget you've read this, forget about about me, forget you ever made the decision to follow Christ. I pray you don't do that. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did. I don't want you to let go of the faith that you KNOW deep down is real. Remember that you've experienced it! You know it's the truth. Grab a hold of it and don't let go of it (Hebrews 10:23). You can still grow.
I want you to know three things (and I've rambled on long enough) so I'll finish with these:
- God loves you.
- God forgives you.
- God wants you back.
Please don't give up.
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